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There's a ton of crazy in what we were taught all our lives. No doubt that some will be valiant up on the other side of the veil, but just as sure there will others who will reject salvation because of their high mindedness. I know that sounds cold but if you train under stress for that many years and become a member of a masochistic not the sexual context fraternity like that of surgical residents, then you more easily shut out anything that might break down those walls. Reading your blog has helped, especially in seeing that these lonely feelings are normal.
Good luck to you and your boyfriend. Glad we can be your connection to society. We talked during the break and saw each other a few times before he moved, but he finally ended things a month into the break telling me "he loves me, but is no longer in love with me" and "doesn't think he can regain the passion.